Both students were able to score one full grade higher by the end of the course.
(Level 3 out of 6 – low average)
Children and adults have many problems. Parents allways tell their child/children that the things they like can ruin their lives. One of those problems is load music.
Children like loud music because it helps them relacts. They also say that it helps them concentrate on their work. Parents, however, object to this by saying that it is loud and obnoxious. The parents continue on saying that it will ruin their hearing and make them do violent things.
Children can still listen to the music without the parents complaining by turning down the volum. They can also by earphons and plug them into the stereo. They also can go to a abandoned lot or an empty place to play.
Adults still might complain about many other things but it is a start when you try to solve them. So try the solutions and see if they work.
This student obviously knows how to write a problem/solution paper. The paper meets most expectations. He states the problem (One of those problems is load music. Parents … object…). The solution is given (children use ear phones). There is an attempt at an opening and closing.
Areas for Improvement
- Developing support through elaboration
- Sentence variety (all but one sentence is a conventional subject, verb, object format)
- Spelling and usage
- Types of openings and closings
(Level 4 out of 6 – average)
During summer vacation last year, many new clothes became popular. Children of all ages wanted to buy piles of these new clothes. They wanted to keep up with the trend and be popular. I also became caught up with buying new clothes. Every time I saw a clothing store, I begged my mother to stop and buy the clothes. She refused to buy anything and told me that my closet was piled to the ceiling with clothes. We began to argue and our voices became so loud that our throats began to ache. My mother didn’t understand why the clothes were so important to me. I wanted to be “cool” and have clothes that were like my friends. Getting the new clothes was very important to me. If I didn’t get them I knew I would be the subject of many jokes in my school. The argument finally ended when we arrived at home.
Once we were home, my mother and I began to discuss away to solve this problem. After about thirty minutes we came up with a solution. My mother would buy only a few clothes for me. I couldn’t get too many of them. She set a limit of four shirts and two pairs of pants. If I wanted more I would have to use my own money, I would have to work for money. I agreed to this proposal and the problem was solved.
When the school year began I had many new clothes. My wish of being cool had been granted. So if any of you children reading this article has the same problem, just read my solution. I promise you that it will work.
This student also has been trained to write a problem/solution paper. It states the problem with a bit of background, and offers one relevant solution with some details. However the paper seems slightly out of balance. Far more is written about the problem than the solution. There is a sense of organization including an opening and closing. Transitions are appropriate. All in all a competent paper.
Areas for Improvement
- Sentence variety – (most sentences are of similar length and structure.)
- Stronger opening and closing
- Vocabulary development